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Old 12-28-2005, 03:55 AM   #61 (Print)
dansee
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First: I'm shocked. Shocked I say... and dismayed. Not that you're gay, but that you actually started a thread. You little narcissist twit. Why didn't you just put on a sparkly dress and march by the front door in your own little parade? It's like you don't even care about the production values of it all, and totally dissed your friends.

Second: If, as you fear, your mother begins to show signs of unraveling, you have what I would consider the best answer ever. Take Skittles up on his offer, and have her talk with Laurie. Sure, I'm a bit biased: I love the lady like my own blood, but she's also a very wise soul. Her son? Yeah, he's something of a goof... but Laurie rocks.

Third: There are very few people in this world who always bring a smile to my face. You are one of them, Zog. I'm simply delighted to know you. Hope that the brave thing you did (and it is very brave) results in acceptance and love... both of which you deserve in the biggest way.

Think the world of you, guy. The truth is never wrong. Good for you.
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Old 12-28-2005, 05:05 AM   #62 (Print)
Zoglarfy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inundated
Oh, Zog?

If you have a female friend that your best (straight) male friend is worried about "stealing" from you as a girlfriend...please let him know. It'll make things easier.

Signed,
Been There On The Other Side Of That Equation

Your gay friend was worried about you stealing his boyfriend?

Actually, that is one of many uncomfortable situations that gay people face when everyone thinks they're straight. I guess any way you live your life, you'll run into complications.

Thank you everyone for your love and support. I knew that no one here would really make a big deal out of it. This community is open and welcoming enough to anyone, no matter who they are. That actually took me completely by surprise when I first started lurking. It's wonderful people like you that make it easier for someone to be happy with who they are.

Oh, and dansee? I don't know whether to hug you or smack you. How about a little of both?

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Old 12-28-2005, 07:04 AM   #63 (Print)
firerose818
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Zoglarfly, I'm glad everything went well for you. My sister came out about three years ago. I wasn't there when she told my mom, but I do know my mom was also worried for her because she worried about the world's reaction. Nothing bad has happened to my sister and her girlfriend, and I think that over time, your mother will start to worry less. Also, my mom thought that my sister was just going through a "phase", so you might want to be prepared for that too. Of course, that phase is now going on four years, so my mom has changed that way of thinking too.

I wish you all the best.

-Rose

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Old 12-28-2005, 07:12 AM   #64 (Print)
tiellv
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I'm proud of you Zog, very proud indeed

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Old 12-28-2005, 08:07 AM   #65 (Print)
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Sometimes living the truth is harder than living a lie. I'm glad to hear that you've chosen the truth and in the end it will be much more fullfilling for you. Congrats Zog.

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Old 12-28-2005, 08:07 AM   #66 (Print)
dansee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoglarfy
Oh, and dansee? I don't know whether to hug you or smack you. How about a little of both?

Oooh. The thought makes me tingly... and a little uncomfortable... at the same time.
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Old 12-28-2005, 08:29 AM   #67 (Print)
montag
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People thought you were straight????






Welcome to the world!
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Old 12-28-2005, 08:35 AM   #68 (Print)
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oh my ... first Skittles and now Zog .. for the love of all that's good and holy please please please don't tell me that Indy is next!

oh .. that's quite a fantasy though.


Congrats Zog for being true to yourself and if your Mom is worried about what the world will do to you send her to www.tivocommunity.com and let her see what it is that you have done to us.

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Old 12-28-2005, 09:23 AM   #69 (Print)
edhara
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dansee
Oooh. The thought makes me tingly... and a little uncomfortable... at the same time.

Stop it. You're turning me on.

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Old 12-28-2005, 09:33 AM   #70 (Print)
Thaed
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Congratulations Zog on your decision.

I agree that you should post more. You have a big following.
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Old 12-28-2005, 09:37 AM   #71 (Print)
IndyJones1023
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thaed
You have a big following.

That's what I call mine, too!

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Old 12-28-2005, 09:46 AM   #72 (Print)
edhara
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IndyJones1023
That's what I call mine, too!

Indy has a bigger following than me.

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Old 12-28-2005, 09:54 AM   #73 (Print)
wouldworker
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YCantAngieRead
PFLAG is an organization just for situations like this. (Last edit: I should have mentioned PFLAG is "Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays." They have MANY local branches.
PFLAG. I'm beginning to like the sound of that.
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Old 12-28-2005, 10:14 AM   #74 (Print)
eddyj
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I, for one, am thrilled that you are gay. Less competition for the ladies! Woo Hoo! But wait! I am married, so it does not matter after all.

As others have said, to your friends, it does not matter one bit. You are still the same Zog we know and love. If it matters to anyone, that it their problem, not yours.

As to your mother, let me tell you a story. I have an 83 year old relative. She is hyper Catholic. Was the president of the biggest Catholic group in Cuba. Had to leave Cuba very early after the revolution because of her ties with the church. Still organizes events for that group (in exile). Has been to Rome and had audiences with the Pope many times. IS on first name basis with various Cardinals. And it goes on. Hyper-Catholic may be an understatement. She totally believed that homosexuality was a sin, and shoule not be tolerated. And did I mention that she has lived half her live in Cuba and half in PR (neither being bastions of gay tolerance)?

A few years ago, her younger brother admitted to her that he was gay, and not long after, one of her nieces did the same. And you know what? It did not make one bit of difference. She loved them before, and she loved them just as much afterward. She feels a little sorry for them, because she believes that their lives are harder because of it. But in just moments, she totally overcame decades of anti-gay upbringing, like they never happened. I was incredibly proud of her, at that time.

So why am I rambling about her? Because your mother will be the same way. She will love you just as much, and she will accept you. She may worry more about you, but that is to be expected. But it sounds like all will be OK with her and you, and that's what matters.
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Old 12-28-2005, 10:20 AM   #75 (Print)
nyny523
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Yet more proof that all the good ones are either married or gay...

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Old 12-28-2005, 10:35 AM   #76 (Print)
SparkleMotion
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Zog went from "Sad Jesus" to "Gay Jesus".

NTTAWWT

Much joy and happiness to you, sir. Keep reminding mom that you're the same person you ever were. She sounds pretty well-centered and if you take "who you are" in stride, she will too, if she doesn't already.
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Old 12-28-2005, 11:28 AM   #77 (Print)
On Course
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wouldworker
PFLAG. I'm beginning to like the sound of that.




I keep thinking about that movie.

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Old 12-28-2005, 11:53 AM   #78 (Print)
hefe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by edhara
Indy has a bigger following than me.

If it's following him, then it must be big...

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Old 12-28-2005, 12:17 PM   #79 (Print)
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Happy coming out day, Zog.

Has anyone recommended PFLAG yet?

Now, about the "when am I going to become a grandparent" question -- you DO know that coming out doesn't automatically get you off the hook for the grandbaby thing? Contrary to popular opinion, some gay people are breeders. And some adopt.

Jan

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Old 12-28-2005, 12:26 PM   #80 (Print)
cwoody222
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YAY for Zog! Very cool! And I'm glad everything is (still) going well.

My (small) family and I have never had "the talk" but I assume it's understood. They stopped asking about my female friends years ago and don't ask too many questions about my male friends now. And they've briefly met a few of the rather, flamboyant ones.

However, every year during the holidays (re: family get-togethers) I hope for the opporutnity just to get it out there. Honestly I hope for some homophobic comment from my Grandmother or something just so I can use the opportunity to make her seem like the bad guy. Selfish? Yep. But I don't think I could ever bring it up. We're just not that "open" of a family.

This holiday came and went with no window of opportunity opening.

One of these days I'm going to have a significant other that needs introducing and I really don't want him to have to catch the flak from the coming out and be the scapegoat so I know I have to do it before that day. Until then... procrastination.

So, for Zog being a bigger man than me (no pun intended)...
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Old 12-28-2005, 01:03 PM   #81 (Print)
whoknows55
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Glad it went well Zog.

That's the scene I had played out in my head, it just didn't go as well for me

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Old 12-28-2005, 01:04 PM   #82 (Print)
bobquin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cwoody222
One of these days I'm going to have a significant other that needs introducing and I really don't want him to have to catch the flak from the coming out and be the scapegoat so I know I have to do it before that day. Until then... procrastination.


cwoody actually brings up an important point. I've been "out" since the age of 17. My family, thankfully, never gave me any grief for it.

Fast-forward to April of 2000, when I met my partner. He'd been dropping hints at his sexuality to his family for several years, but never fully "came out" to them. By the time we'd been together for nearly a year, he knew that the conversation had to happen.

It did not go well, and I bore the brunt of a good deal of his family's hostility/disappointment/anger over his sexual orientation. Thankfully, things have improved radically over the past five years, but it's been a long and difficult process.

That said, congrats to you, Zog, for having the strength to be...well...who you are!
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Old 12-28-2005, 01:17 PM   #83 (Print)
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Good for you Zog!

Having come out to my parents almost 10 years ago, I know how scary that can be. It sounds like your Mom took it really well though - hats off to your Mom! And hats off to you for having the strength to come out to her.

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Old 12-28-2005, 04:04 PM   #84 (Print)
YCantAngieRead
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You know, I've been thinking a lot recently about a great college friend I have, who we all knew (or strongly suspected) was gay, but he never talked abouut it and we never asked. I had a lot of gay and lesbian friends back then, and it always kind of hurt me he didn't trust me enough to tell me about his real feelings. He's open now, and still hasn't said anything to any of us.

But you know, it really doesn't matter, does it? Just goes to prove another way that I'm backwards-I WANT my friends to come out to me.

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Old 12-28-2005, 04:14 PM   #85 (Print)
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Old 12-28-2005, 04:18 PM   #86 (Print)
cwoody222
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YCantAngieRead
I had a lot of gay and lesbian friends back then, and it always kind of hurt me he didn't trust me enough to tell me about his real feelings.


My circle of gay friends has one straight guy friend who we all are quite questionable about. A few weeks ago him and a friend of mine played a trick on me saying that he came out to my other friend awhile ago. The trick backfired, though, as I was REALLY hurt that he didn't come out to me previously. I'm sure the drinks had something to do with it but I almost broke down in tears and then almost physically fought him (the range of emotions went from hurt & upset to hate & anger quite quickly). He felt bad afterwards.

Just goes to show the emotions involved in such a revelation.
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Old 12-28-2005, 04:22 PM   #87 (Print)
Inundated
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoglarfy
Your gay friend was worried about you stealing his boyfriend?

Actually, that is one of many uncomfortable situations that gay people face when everyone thinks they're straight. I guess any way you live your life, you'll run into complications.


Heh, guess I had trouble wording it.

No, we all THOUGHT my best friend was dating this other friend of mine, a woman. Somewhere in there, this woman and I started getting close, and I kept feeling guilty about it. (You know the song..."My Best Friend's Girlfriend"?)

She kept trying to tell me I had nothing to worry about, but I didn't realize it until my best friend came out to me. OK, we're talking Akron, Ohio in the mid-80's. I didn't know we HAD gay people here then, let alone anyone I knew.

My reaction wasn't really shock or anything...it was kind of befuddlement, since I had no experience with the idea. It didn't take long for it to become a non-issue. Like, maybe 15 minutes into the conversation.
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Old 12-29-2005, 10:50 AM   #88 (Print)
whoknows55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cwoody222
My circle of gay friends has one straight guy friend who we all are quite questionable about. A few weeks ago him and a friend of mine played a trick on me saying that he came out to my other friend awhile ago. The trick backfired, though, as I was REALLY hurt that he didn't come out to me previously. I'm sure the drinks had something to do with it but I almost broke down in tears and then almost physically fought him (the range of emotions went from hurt & upset to hate & anger quite quickly). He felt bad afterwards.

Just goes to show the emotions involved in such a revelation.




That's one of the things I understand. Growing up in a town where I could see myself getting sent to the hospital for being gay there is a lot of fear involved in coming out to anyone, even someone who you know is ok with gay people. You've been living a lie for so many years, lying to your friends and family, not only is it hard to change the way you act and talk, but there's always the fear in how they will take it (i.e. why didn't you tell me before). I should have come out to my friends long before I did. I remember the sleepless nights before I ever told anyone else that I was attracted to men.

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Old 12-29-2005, 11:13 AM   #89 (Print)
cwoody222
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Well, THIS guy has a gay dad and works in TWO gay bars two nights a week (himself, not the dad) ... so he's got no excuse

He's got a built-in support system.

Last edited by cwoody222 : 12-29-2005 at 06:04 PM.
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Old 12-29-2005, 11:52 AM   #90 (Print)
montag
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cwoody222
My circle of gay friends has one straight guy friend who we all are quite questionable about. A few weeks ago him and a friend of mine played a trick on me saying that he came out to my other friend awhile ago. The trick backfired, though, as I was REALLY hurt that he didn't come out to me previously. I'm sure the drinks had something to do with it but I almost broke down in tears and then almost physically fought him (the range of emotions went from hurt & upset to hate & anger quite quickly). He felt bad afterwards.

Just goes to show the emotions involved in such a revelation.
Have you ever considered counseling?
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